Relational Work
In many ways, it feels like the United States is experiencing a relational crisis. Our collective “family” seems fractured, as if we’ve spent too long living in parallel rather than engaging in true connection. Have we become complacent, content to move along without examining our differences—or perhaps without listening at all? And as we face critical challenges, how can we rediscover ways to move forward together?
I don’t love conflict; I grew up thinking it was best avoided. But over time, I’ve come to understand that avoiding conflict often leads to bigger divides. What I know now is that fostering awareness and understanding—especially when it’s uncomfortable—creates the space we need to bridge big divides. When I work with individuals facing conflict in complex relationships, a first step is the development of self-awareness. This work can help people gain understanding of unconscious childhood messages, gain perspective of their habits and reactions, and recognize how they show up in relationships. Through this work, individuals learn to identify their own feelings, needs, and boundaries. This helps create a clearer understanding of what belongs to each person in the relationship, allowing for the recognition of shared issues as well as individual ones. From there, we work on communication, often using the method of non-violent communication (NVC), where individuals can speak honestly about their experience without blame or labels. This method fosters a respectful space, free from judgment, where each perspective is valued.
Imagine if our country could practice this form of relational work. Picture a national conversation where every voice has space to be heard, where each experience could be shared with respect. This practice would remind us that our differences are strengths, not liabilities. Just like members of a family, each “member” of our nation has unique gifts and qualities that can strengthen us if we allow them to enrich the dialogue.
My wise colleague, Ricka, put it beautifully: “Gently naming the elephant in the room, without judgment, provides the beginning of a pathway through uncertainty and discomfort toward mutual understanding.” Just as with relationship work, perhaps this gentle yet intentional approach is what we need to begin healing as a nation.
