The Cocoon of Grief: A Journey of Transformation

Grief is not just something we “get through.” It is not a detour or a pause in life—it is a transformation. I have walked this path myself, and as a coach, I have witnessed the profound ways grief reshapes us. It is painful, disorienting, and often isolating, but it is also a process of becoming.

The life cycle of a Monarch butterfly offers a powerful metaphor for grief.

Before loss, we are like the caterpillar—spending our days nourishing ourselves, growing, and building our lives, relationships, and dreams. There is a rhythm to life, a sense of moving forward.

And then, something happens. A loss shatters what we once knew. Like the caterpillar instinctively spinning its cocoon, we, too, turn inward. We may feel disconnected, numb, or lost, as if parts of us are dissolving. The identity we held, the future we envisioned, the roles we played—suddenly, they feel unfamiliar or unreachable.

But what is unseen from the outside is that inside the cocoon, the caterpillar is not dying—it is transforming.

Parts of it that are no longer needed break down, making way for something new. In grief, we often feel like we are breaking apart, but deep within, a slow and invisible process of rebuilding is happening. This is the hidden work of grief. While we may feel stuck, numb, or disconnected, deep within us, change is happening. I have lived this truth myself. In my own grief, there were days I felt like nothing was happening except pain, but looking back, I can see the ways I was becoming someone new—someone changed, yet whole.

This is why grief requires gentleness. Transformation cannot be rushed. Just as the caterpillar needs nourishment, we, too, must care for ourselves—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. What does nourishment look like for you right now? Maybe it’s allowing yourself to rest without guilt, connecting with a friend, journaling your emotions, or simply breathing through the waves of sadness. Small acts of care matter.

Grief does not return us to who we were—it invites us to become.

One day, when the time is right, the butterfly emerges, transformed, able to move beyond the world it once knew.

If you are in the cocoon of grief, know that your process is unfolding in its own time. You are not alone. Be gentle with yourself. Transformation is happening, even if you cannot yet see it.